Open Letter to the Prick Who Hacked My Gmail and Facebook Accounts

Dear Prick Who Hacked My Gmail and Facebook Accounts,

Wow, I’m impressed.  I don’t know how you did it, but that was very clever the way you hacked into my Facebook and Gmail accounts yesterday.  One account would have been an accomplishment, but to hack both was really good work and showed excellent initiative and resourcefulness.

I was very disappointed, however, in the poor quality of your writing.  Let’s take a look at the e-mail you sent all my contacts, shall we?

Sorry i didn’t inform you about our traveling, we presently in London UK stranded.Got Mugged last night at a gun point all cash, credit card,cell phone and valuable things where stolen away from us during the Robbery I will like you to assist us with a soft loan urgently with the sum of $1500.we need to sort out the hotel bills and get ourselves back home. we will appreciate whatever you can afford, i promise to pay back as soon as i return, Please let me know if you can help…

Reply asap

I don’t even know where to begin – bad grammar, poor spelling, and an unbelievable back story.  You didn’t even try to mimick my personal writing style – would it have been so hard to include a couple of lame attempts at humour, a dash separating sentences, or perhaps “…” at the end of a paragraph? Oh wait, you did put the “…” at the end of the paragraph.  Perhaps you are more cunning than I thought…

You should know that it has been a hassle getting my Gmail and Facebook accounts returned to me.  I’m also a little pissed off that I have to change my password now – I’ve been using HotGuy69 since 2001, and now I’ve got to come up with something completely different. Not cool, bro.

But you know what the worst thing is?  Not a single one of my friends and family members responded with an offer to help.  For all they know, I was penniless in the U.K., alone and scared, and nobody said “Sure, I’ll loan you $1,500, man”.  My wife didn’t even offer to help, and that’s what stings the most.

I know, that’s my problem, not yours.  Didn’t mean to burden you with my personal issues.  Best of luck in your future endeavours, Prick.


The Dearlove

7 thoughts on “Open Letter to the Prick Who Hacked My Gmail and Facebook Accounts

  1. Update: I still wasn’t getting my mail on Gmail, so I checked the settings. The hacker had set up e-mail forwarding to an address. So, if you’ve been hacked, make sure you go through your settings thoroughly to make sure the hacker hasn’t changed them.

  2. Dude, that really sucks. Had I received your plea for help, I would have immediately sent along all my banking information and any passwords that would help you get out of trouble in the uber- dangerous and scary UK.

    I figure B didn`t offer to help because your email implies that she was travelling with you and lost everything as well. Unless she isn`t the person with which you are travelling, and that makes me worried that I may have exposed some sexual addiction issue you have Tiger.

  3. Hi there,

    My facebook and gmail account was also hacked on March 30. I am wondering if you ended up getting access to your gmail and facebook ? I have filled out all forms relating to a compromised account.


  4. Bastards got me too! Came home and checked gmail, unable to access, attempted to log-in facebook and no luck there either. I believe I will be able to get facebook account back considering they tend to be prompt, although gmail… I bet I never hear anything from them.

  5. Hey bro,

    This motherf**king low life has hacked my yahoo-mail as well! However, the loser forgot to erase my secret questions. In my case, a couple of friend immediately called me when they got that e-mail. This lousy english was translated (even worse) by an internet translator into bad Dutch. No one believed it was my e-mail (one even said: hey, have you converted into a Nigerian?).

    Anyway, I was able to rehack my own account using the secret questions, and by checking the Trash, I saw that he indeed forwarded the e-mails to an operamail-address as well.

    Now I am really agry. So what did I do? For the first time in my life I am happy that something called SPAM exists. This guy should receive about a 100 newsletters a day about tampons, babyfood, etcetera. I hope he will have to change his e-mail address. That’s the least I can do.

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