And now, another installment in the semi-regular feature Things I Hate.

I hate the phrase “bums in seats”. Every time I’m in a marketing meeting and someone says “we need to get some bums in seats”, I cringe. I’m not a big fan of the word “bum” to begin with, and the image of a thousand naked bums pressed against the worn red fabric of our seats just creeps me out.

I also hate another marketing phrase – “call to action”. As in, “this ad has to be a call to action”. No, this ad needs to sell tickets, not mobilize rebel factions against the dictatorship of the proletariat.

I hate seeing adults wearing one-piece snowsuits. They look very cute on toddlers. They look absolutely ridiculous on middle-aged suburbanites walking their dogs. It looks especially bad if a belt is involved and it’s cinched tightly around the waist.

I also hate full-length winter coats that extend all the way to the ground. It looks like you’re wearing a sleeping bag. Awful idea.

I hate the way job titles have evolved and now grossly overestimate an individual’s actual duties. Cashier became salesperson, which became sales associate. Ah, but it’s not about sales, it’s about the customer, so we came up with customer service representative. Now I’m seeing ads for “Customer Experience Representative”. I say we jump right to “Customer Pleasure Provider” and see what kind of trouble that creates.

I hate the fact that I can’t buy a toque at The Gap in mid-January when it’s -20 outside, but I can buy a pair of shorts and flip-flops.

Wow, it feels great to get that off my chest.