Saving is for Losers

Right now, millions of people are stressed out over the fragile state of the economy. The financial services industry is in crisis, stocks are crashing, and people are watching thousands of dollars disappear from their retirement savings.

It’s moments like this that I’m reminded of how great it feels not to have any RRSPs.

The so-called financial experts like to put the fear of God into you that unless you put a bit of money away every month, you’ll be destitute when retirement comes along. They preach about the value of long-term investing and the magic of compound interest, but they don’t tell you about the catastrophic market forces that will leave you depressed and destitute.

That’s why I say saving is for losers. All it causes is pain and misery. I would much rather have my 72” plasma TV, several Armani suits, the Patek Phillipe timepieces, my vintage comic book collection, and Sens season tickets than stash my hard-earned money away for a few decades. My TV is worth just as much today as it was last month, while your RRSP has declined about 12%. Who’s stupid now, Mr. Responsible?

So, what’s my retirement plan? That’s easy – the government and my kids.

I’m pretty confident that communism is going to win out in the end, and our beloved dictator will ensure a minimum standard of living for all of his comrades. If, for some reason, democracy prevails and the government isn’t forthcoming with a comprehensive social safety net, then I’m pretty sure one of my two boys will take care of me. I’ve already started dropping hints that I’m going to be looking for some quid pro quo down the line, and I’ve got 22 more years to play on their feelings of responsibility and guilt.

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