To die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.
Death of one’s own free choice, death at the proper time, with a clear head and with joyfulness, consummated in the midst of children and witnesses:
so that an actual leave-taking is possible while he who is leaving is still there.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

That’s how I want to go.

83 sounds about right – perhaps October 7, 2055.  A nice fall day, before the winter when cold and darkness come too early and overstay their welcome.

Not the first of my contemporaries to shuffle off this mortal coil, but not the last, either.

With a sharp mind, and time to say all the things that need to be said to the people closest to me.

With time to prepare and grow comfortable with the idea of not being, but not so much time lest fear and trepidation become overwhelming.

I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

I have this very clear memory of being a young kid, probably in grade 2 or 3, sitting cross-legged on the floor of the gym at Centennial Public School.  For some reason, everyone was eating lunch inside, and the teachers had set up a screen and projector.  They put on a movie called Hardware Wars, which featured a flying iron, toaster, and egg beater.  I couldn’t wait to get home and tell my parents how cool it was – like Star Wars, but different.

At that age, I had no concept of parody or satire.  I just thought someone had made a cool movie about appliances flying through space and shooting each other.  Fluke Starbucker, Augie Ben Doggie, and Ham Salad seemed like perfectly normal heroes.  As time passed, I started to think I had dreamed the whole thing during a lunch-time nap.

Almost 30 years later, I thought about the movie again and looked it up on-line.  According to Wikipedia, Hardware Wars is considered the most successful short film of all time, grossing more than $1 million and winning lots of awards.

If you haven’t seen it, or if you’re like me and kinda remember seeing it back in the 1970s, here it is in all it’s low-budget glory.  I’m not sure it’s aged well, but then again, the same could be said for most of us.

It seems obvious now, but I hadn’t appreciated the impact the Olympics would have on our country. Sure, a bunch of finely-tuned athletes would win medals, and Vancouver would benefit from thousands of tourists dropping millions of dollars on anything with the word “Canada” on it, but I hadn’t anticipated the way it would ignite feelings of patriotism that normally lie dormant until July 1st.

It was also a rare opportunity for the international media to pay attention to our country and cast judgement on who we are. The critiques ranged from scathing to glowing, and each day I’d veer from rage to pride to puzzlement at some of the commentary. Here are a few of my favourites from the past two weeks.

“People are often puzzled by the seeming discrepancy of Canadian niceness with the rock-’em-sock-’em aggression of our national sport, but the truth is that Canadians are not really nice. As one who has lived among them for most of his life—even in New York, still connected by family and in-laws—I can assure you that Canadians are not nice. They are just socially graceful, which gives them the appearance of niceness while actually covering over considerable reserves of disgust and disapproval, particularly at those who lack the sensitivity Canadians possess by national training.”
Adam Gopnick, The New Yorker

“Canada has not come of age in Vancouver 2010. Canada has regressed into a sneering but ultimately impotent adolescence. It’s been — well, rather unattractive on the whole…The Canadian shenanigans in Vancouver have alienated the entire world.” Simon Barnes, The Times.

“Talk like this, so nakedly ambitious, makes some Canadians uneasy. Theirs is a vast country that in many ways is run like a small town, with small-town values, and it has a highly developed culture of modesty, if not a collective inferiority complex. The athletic record in general is a little underwhelming, and some Canadians think that is because their countrymen prefer that, considering a good effort just as valuable as a trunkload of trophies, maybe better.”  Charles McGrath, The New York Times

“We all know Canada has problems with the future lines drawn on Arctic maps and we all know Canada lives in the shadow of its larger neighbour to the south. The abject cruelty shown by Canadian soldiers in international conflicts is scantily referred to, as indeed is the utter incapacity of this county to host a major international event, due to its inferiority complex, born of a trauma being the skinny and weakling bro to a beefy United States and a colonial outpost to the United Kingdom, whose Queen smiles happily from Canadian postage stamps.  Maybe it is this which makes the Canadians so…retentive, or cowardly. “  Pravda, Vancouver:  Mutton Dressed As Lamb

“If Canadians have an Olympic fantasy, it’s this;  we’re neck and neck in the medal count and it all comes down to the final event, men’s hockey. Canada and Russia are tied, 2-2, in the third, and Sidney Crosby knocks in the winning goal in overtime.”  Gary Mason, Vancouver-based columnist for The Globe and Mail, speaking to the New York Times on February 10.  Not a bad prediction – substitute “USA” for “Russia”, and you’re golden.