Monthly Archives: April 2008

Apr 11 2008

Banned Words Part III

Long-time readers may recall that I have ranted about words I hate in previous posts. To date, the list includes “slacks” and “whiff”. Fortunately, it’s highly unlikely I will ever have to hear those two words used in the same sentence i.e. “Hey man, come take a whiff of my slacks”.

The two words I am adding today are not actually real words, as far as I can tell. However, they’ve infiltrated the vernacular and are really starting to tick me off.

The first “word” is vajayjay. I did a little research, and apparently we have Grey’s Anatomy to thank for this abomination. It was used in an episode from February 2006 to spare us from the word “vagina”, and was quickly adopted by scores of pop culture celebs, including Oprah, Tyra, and Kimmel. I believe it was uttered no fewer than 18 times on an episode of The View, permanently scarring several audience members in the process.

A linguist (no word on whether he’s cunning) at Berkeley claims that vajayjay fills the need women have to adopt a pet name for their “special place”. If that’s the case, they need to go back to the drawing board. If they need inspiration, they can look to men. After all, we’ve come up with dozens of substitutes for penis – we certainly didn’t stop at “pee-pee”.

Next up is all words beginning with a lower-case “i”. Unless it’s a product created by Apple, “i-anything” should be banned. Even Apple’s use is starting to wear thin (iPod, iMac, iPhone, iTunes, iRan, iRaq, etc.)

In recent months, I have seen ads for iLoft and iSauna. I suppose marketing folks think they’re being hip by trying to associate their product with Apple’s reputation for design and innovation, but I think it comes off as desperate and sad. Jesus, people, it’s just another condo, it’s just a sauna, not a statement on your commitment to leading-edge technology.

So there you go, the list of banned words now includes slacks, whiff, vajayjay, and i-anything. Trust me – those are four words you really don’t want to use in the same sentence…

Apr 10 2008

Jeckyll & Hyde Junior

It appears our oldest son has a Jeckyll and Hyde thing going on. Perhaps this is an affliction that affects many nearly-five-year-olds, but A seems to have an especially acute case.

In the morning, A attends Junior Kindergarten. Donna, his teacher, has nothing but great things to say about him. At our last parent / teacher meeting, she was literally beaming as she told us what a pleasure he is – smart, polite, inquisitive. She mentioned that she’d heard from other students that A has timeouts in the afternoon, but she found that hard to believe because he’s such an angel.

In the afternoon, A goes to a daycare program at the Fieldhouse, which is on the school grounds. In recent months, Jillian, his other teacher, has been greeting us with tales of A’s poor behaviour. He doesn’t listen, acts silly, splashes water on kids, even uses a plastic shovel as a weapon from time to time.

This week we started an afternoon sticker chart to track his progress. A sticker means he did well during an activity, a frown face means a timeout. The early results aren’t promising. On Monday, he had four timeouts, Tuesday he had three, and yesterday he had a remarkable five timeouts. If the trend continues, he’ll be dragged off in handcuffs by the end of the week.

A just seems very headstrong these days. He knows what he wants to do, and doesn’t much care what other people say about it. Everything is a negotiation, whether it be what’s for breakfast, what clothes he’s going to wear, or when bedtime starts. Failure to comply with his demands results in a grating whine that quickly raises the tension level in the house.

At this rate, A appears destined for a future as a lawyer, singer, or conductor. I can only hope that our early interventions will steer him away from the dark side.

Apr 8 2008

Moving Words from the Creator of 501′s

“Music is a language by whose means messages are elaborated. That such messages can be understood by the many but sent out only by few, and that [music] alone among all the languages unites the contradictory character of being at once intelligible and untranslatable – these facts make the creator of music a being like the gods…”

- Claude Lévi-Strauss

I love this quote. Not bad for a guy who designed jeans for a living…

Apr 7 2008

Choices

Ten years ago at this time, I started down a path that has been immensely rewarding, and yet lately it’s caused me to ask some difficult questions about myself.

In January 1998, I was a grad student at the University of Toronto. Most of my time was spent practicing, reading, and exploring the city. My career plans were pretty undefined – a vague notion that I’d get my name added to various sub-lists, take some auditions, and work at HMV until I got a real gig.

Around that time, the NAC announced it was looking for someone to work on the operations side of the orchestra. B applied and suggested I do the same (I guess she wasn’t looking forward to living with an unemployed drummer with a student loan). I wasn’t really interested in an office job, but the starting salary of $35,000 plus benefits was pretty attractive considering my limited earning potential.

I applied, and over the next four months I jumped through the required hoops – written test, interview, personality test, etc. I was surprised to get the job, and gladly accepted. I naively thought I could continue to practice and perform regularly, especially since I had the money to buy my own marimba. Aside from a few concerts with the Kingston Symphony, though, I didn’t really do that much playing after I took the job.

Sometimes I feel like I sold out. I spent seven years at school locked in a practice room, thinking I wanted to be a professional musician, yet at the first promise of a steady paycheque I gave it all up. I admire / envy artists and musicians for their willingness to make sacrifices in pursuit of their goals. Some of them scrape by for years, maxing out credit cards and chasing grants just to put on another show. Why wasn’t I willing to do the same?

Somewhat regrettably, I’ve accepted that I’m better suited to being an administrator than a musician. I’m more suited to making it possible for others to create art than making art myself. As a player, I never really could let go and just express myself – I was way too self-conscious. I realize now that I was more concerned with technique, form, and precision than affecting people on an emotional level. I wasn’t prepared to give up stability for uncertainty. Too much head, not enough heart.

Stuck between being an amateur musician and a professional one, I chose neither, and in doing so, lost something that was important to me. It’s time to find something – a bar band, an orchestra, a Japanese taiko group – and start playing again.

Oh yeah, if anyone’s found my chops, please return them to me as I think I lost them a few years ago.

Apr 1 2008

Four and More

Well, after much thought and discussion, B and I have decided that now is the right time to start trying for child number three. Aidan and Kieran will soon be five and three respectively, and they are now at an age when they can play together and entertain themselves for a while, leaving us time to look after a little one.

It’s a big step, and I’m a little nervous. I’m glad we recently bought a car with seating for six as the extra row is going to come in handy. I’m not sure what we’ll do about the house – with only two bedrooms, it might be time to look into something a little larger. I’ve already been thinking about moving out to the suburbs to be closer to good schools and those convenient big box stores.

I’ve actually found this blog is getting a little dull with recycled posts about music and the boys. So, for the next few months, I thought I’d offer an alternative and give people an intimate view of our attempts to become a quintet (sorry, no photos). I’ll be posting B’s ovulation chart later this week so you can follow along and offer encouragement. We’re really hoping for a girl this time, so if you have any advice on timing or positions to achieve this, please let us know before we get too far along.